Captain Bloctopus

Captain Bloctopus, with ‘the Robotrons’ and ‘Laptopics’

It’s been a busy month for the National Institute of Health Research. As if running the research budget of the NHS wasn’t enough, they’ve spent January holding a fabulous CBeebies-style ‘name the cartoon character’ competition.

The cartoon character in question is the somewhat prosaic NIHR Collaboration Platform. Looking at the website, it appears to be a blue octopus pinned down by laptops and robots. Nothing much happens. To be honest, it makes the Teletubbies look like Scorsese. Even the opening episode (‘Oops! We have recently learnt that there has been some confusion around the new collaboration platform’) is a bit – um – uninvolving.

I don’t think it will catch on.

Things aren’t helped by the winning name: ‘Hub’. You’re never going to get bums on seats with a name like that. A blue octopus should have a name like – I don’t know – Bloctopus, or something. Maybe Captain Bloctopus.

They’re promising a series of roadshows for the new character. I do hope Captain Bloctopus himself will make an appearance, along with his arch enemy the Robotrons and Laptopics. It’s the only way they’re going to win over the kidz. And do, please, drop that ‘Hub’ nonsense.